I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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