She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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