Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
