Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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