Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
