she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
