I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
