I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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