I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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