you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize