Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
