I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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