put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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