she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
