just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
