There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
