I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
