You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize