PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
