did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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