What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
