Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
