A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
