so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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