Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
