Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
