Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
