and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
