how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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