I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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