So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A bitchslap is in order.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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