I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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