are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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