Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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