We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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