I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
