I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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