The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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