When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
