Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
