Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
