my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
