I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
