he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
