i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.