Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
