She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me