So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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