If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂