he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did we literally take a cab across the street
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
