I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Randomize
