sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
