I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
