My friends, they love my intelligence
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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