i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
