There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
