Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
