Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
