Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
