so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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