What did we do last night that was yellow?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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