i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
