I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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