Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
