It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
