I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
