But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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