I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
