Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
