it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
