I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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