if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
