Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I supernannyed him into submission
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
