ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
