Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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