i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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