You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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