well I can't set my house on fire every night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
