I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
