Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you traded sex for a burrito?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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