i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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