I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
