Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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