I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
