Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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