i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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