first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
